Friday, 30 September 2011

Political euphemism primer: When the Tories say...

I had a little dig at the Labour Party in my last post, so to balance it up a little (if you can imagine Eric Pickles jumping from a great height onto the high end of a see-saw) I thought I'd focus this time on the Conservatives by providing a guide to some slogans and expressions you might hear from them in their Manchester conference, and what they really mean.

When the Tories say...

Wealth creators they mean rich people.

Tax burden they mean tax. 

Fiscal incentives they mean tax cuts for the rich. 

Our partners in coaltion they mean our Lib Dem fall guys. 

Reform agenda they mean everything we didn’t let on about in our election manifesto.

Removing the burden on business they mean letting corporate giants do what the hell they like.

Presumption in favour of sustainable development they mean letting developers build where the hell they like.

Ending the war on the motorist they mean letting petrol heads drive as fast as they like: more accidents; more pollution.

Clearing away health and safety legislation they mean giving the green light to workplace death-traps.

Free schools they mean Government-funded private schools.

Sustainable Higher Education they mean student fees will treble to £9000 a year.

Liberating the NHS they mean selling off the NHS.

Devolving power they mean washing our hands of responsibility.

Public service efficiencies they mean public service cuts.  

Widening choice they mean privatisation.

Local choice they mean you choose which local service to cut (libraries? pre-school? you choose).

Benefit scroungers they mean the disabled and the unemployed.

Universal Credit they mean Benefit cuts.

Quantitative easing they mean throwing more money at rich banks.

Labour’s legacy of waste and mismanagement they mean last year's global financial crisis.

The global financial crisis they mean this year's global financial crisis (not our fault, guv).

We must stick to Plan A they mean we have no Plan B.

We’re in this together they mean we’re all right; you’re screwed.

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