MATT AND NEV IN THEIR USUAL SEATS 6
FX PUB ATMOS
MATT Tell ye a thing they should bring out. (BEAT)
NEV Ye reckon?
MATT Oh aye. Cos see, suppose you eat a cheese
‘n’ onion crisp, then you have a sup o your
pint, that sup’s spoilt cos it tastes all cheesy.
NEV An oniony.
MATT Exactly. But if you had a beer-flavoured crisp,
you wouldn’t be wastin any o your drink.
NEV Right. (BEAT) But if you think about it, they
don’t need to go to all the bother o making
MATT Why not?
NEV Cos you could just get plain-flavoured crisps,
right... an dunk em in your beer.
MATT Doesn’t work.
NEV How d’ ye know?
MATT Cos I just this minute tried it. What happens
is, your crisps go soggy in your beer, an they
drop off your fingers an make a horrible mush
in the bottom o your glass.
NEV Well, your pint looks clear enough to me.
MATT (COOLLY) That’s cos I used yours.
NEV (REACTS. FADE ON NEV’S DISGUST)