Matt and Nev in their usual seats 6

MATT AND NEV IN THEIR USUAL SEATS 6

David Williams

FX                                                    PUB ATMOS

MATT                                              Tell ye a thing they should bring out. (BEAT)

                                                         Beer-flavoured crisps.

NEV                                                Ye reckon?

MATT                                              Oh aye. Cos see, suppose you eat a cheese

                                                        ‘n’ onion crisp, then you have a sup o your

                                                        pint, that sup’s spoilt cos it tastes all cheesy.

NEV                                                An oniony.

MATT                                              Exactly. But if you had a beer-flavoured crisp,

                                                        you wouldn’t be wastin any o your drink.

NEV                                                Right. (BEAT) But if you think about it, they

                                                        don’t need to go to all the bother o making

                                                        beer-flavoured crisps.

MATT                                              Why not?

NEV                                                Cos you could just get plain-flavoured crisps,

                                                        right... an dunk em in your beer.

MATT                                              Doesn’t work.

NEV                                                How d’ ye know?

MATT                                              Cos I just this minute tried it. What happens

                                                        is, your crisps go soggy in your beer, an they

                                                        drop off your fingers an make a horrible mush

                                                        in the bottom o your glass.

NEV                                                Well, your pint looks clear enough to me.

MATT                                              (COOLLY) That’s cos I used yours.

NEV                                                (REACTS. FADE ON NEV’S DISGUST)

END