When I was working with a team on the BBC radio sketch show Jesting About I wrote a series of very short sketches featuring two Geordie friends Matt and Nev who could always be found in the same seats in their local. None of the shorter sketches written by any of the writers made it to the recording as they turned out not to fit the format, but I thought I'd spend the next few days on my blog reproducing the Matt and Nev sketches. Here's the first one:
MATT AND NEV IN THEIR USUAL SEATS 1
FX PUB ATMOS
NEV Just suppose, Matt...
NEV Suppose your doorbell rings, right. And
there’s a lovely young lass stannin there,
18-19, mebbes. 22.
MATT Oh aye.
NEV She takes one look at you, an she says, ‘Let
me in. I want you to rip all my clothes off, and
I want us to make mad, passionate love.’
What would you do?
MATT Oh. (PAUSE TO CONSIDER) Wouldn’t
NEV Why not?
MATT I haven’t got a doorbell.